Comments on: Mothers with ADD Have More Problems Parenting ADD Children Than Those Who Don’t

By: TinaGreco

TinaGreco — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:40:10 +0000

Hi…thanks for the confirmation about something that no one quite understands unless they are living it…the fact that ADD/ADHD is so difficult to manage, within one’s self as well as the ones we are responsible for to help the most, our children. It’s always good to receive confirmation that you are not crazy in regards to your perceptions in life. I think that it is wonderful that Vancouver is
progressive enough to offer some respect towards the challenges of this condition, but I think that it is perhaps unfair to insinuate that the parents with ADD do not “organize” effectively, simply because they claim to be too busy or to be unsettled. Of COURSE they can’t organize! I have to say that as a mother of three, one child with severe ADHD, and myself with ADD, it is certainly, in my experience 100% impossible to get all the necessary ducks in a row, in order to even get your school to acknowledge his adversity as a legitimate medical condition, let alone organize to successfully educate enough people, and to actually change legislation! Our children take medication and yet we are told on a daily basis that we are simply making excuses for being lazy in life! I spend 1 tenth of my time with perfect clarity about our condition and how it affects our alienated family life…and the other 90% of the time trying to decide whether or not I am simply incompetent in managing even a day, let alone a lifetime! And as a result, my family suffers…and nothing changes…EVER! The level at which ADHD affects people is so variable that i think you should not pigeon-hole parents who can barely manage to get through a day, let alone consistantly rally for political change. Ironically, you may be thinking right now that I am simply making excuses, but for me, this is reality. Society does not understand this brain-type, nor do they WANT to! It’s easier for society to chalk this up to behavioral malfunction, rather than a difference that in some ways should be celebrated for its’ specialness. We never get past the ridicule long enough to appreciate and celebrate though, do we?

By: Pete Quily

Pete Quily — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 06:53:18 +0000

Hi Charlotte you may have it but even doctors get other doctors to diagnose them with ADHD so I’d suggest getting a diagnosis, maybe ADHD, maybe something that looks like ADHD, maybe ADHD and some other things.

You might have rotating ADD support group meetings at different peoples houses in your area. one parent could volunteer to mind the kids while the others meet. maybe have a look at my main website http://www.addcoach4u.com or http://www.chadd.org for some tips. perhaps Top 10 Ways to Manage Adult ADHD http://adultaddstrengths.com/2008/02/21/top-10-ways-to-manage-adult-adhd/

By: Jeri Pusateri

Jeri Pusateri — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:16:24 +0000

I’ve just finished your article and I must say thank you. I am not alone. I’m an ADHD mother with an ADD son. He’s now 33 and we have a lifetime of mistakes behind us. All I ever wanted was to be a good mother and imagine my surprise when my very very bright son at age 4 had power over me…Our wills clashed over everything. We’d love and then hate each other right through his teenage years. I gave up many time but in my heart never stopped loving him. Now all he can remember as an adult are the fights and harsh words. He was not diagnosed with ADD until his freshman year in college so we had no idea of what we were dealing with. NO one to help or show us the way. It is important to listen, forgive and always remember that our children are the most precious gift God will ever give. Hopefully through conciling my son and I can find our way back to each other. Angry words never leave a hurt childs mind. If I had only known that maybe I could have done things differently.

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 06:03:07 +0000

This article is great. I have add and I have three little ones all under the age of 4. I definitely related to allot of things mentioned. There are not alot of resources available to provide me with information. There are no resources where I live.
I wish more people would learn about add especially in adults.

By: Pete Quily

Pete Quily — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 07:52:35 +0000

Angela if he has ADD and anxiety and ocd he may still be able to be medicated but he’d probably need more than one medication

you might want to find a local add support group to talk to others in your position
http://www.addcoach4u.com/addsupportgroupresources.html

or check out http://www.chadd.org

keep in mind it’s the #2 genetically inherited condition after height, so odds are either you or your husband have it too.

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 00:35:42 +0000

Well, I am looking for info on how to be an ADD parent and raise a ADHD child with anxiety and possible ODD and duslexia. It is very hard for me to deal with my child with limited resources. I finally paid to have my 10 year old son tested and the results are above. I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 12. In my son’s case he can not be medicated because it will only intensify his anxiety issues which means I am stuck trying to make sense of everything when I have ADD myself. Neither one of us can deal with each other and we both become extremely frustrated with each other. It used to be mainly at homework time but as he gets older, and 2 other children became involved, it is running our lives and making it pure HELL. The father is absent due to a divorce and lives 1000 miles away which is good for me but not my son. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Angela

By: Pete Quily

Pete Quily — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 05:03:54 +0000

Fixed the link Jenny, try it again.

By: jenny

jenny — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 17:09:59 +0000

I would like to know more about the vancouver ADHD parent program. The given link does not respond. I am dealing with a parent with ADHD and wouldrelly help her with some strategies.

By: Pete Quily

Pete Quily — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 08:40:21 +0000

“how am I supposed to overcome his barriers if I myself have similar barriers?”

Start getting educated on ADHD and get involved with others with ADHD like support groups and demand services. if there’s no ADHD support groups around start your own. One of the main reasons ADDers are second class citizens is they don’t organize (not a natural skill for us but can be learned) and lobby the media and government for services. Parents of ADD kids did so in Vancouver and they got services for them and their children.

I hear constant complaints that there’s no similar services from other local cities in the lower mainland, and suggest to them that they organize and lobby for such services but no one seems to bother, so nothing is done.

Professionals won’t take notice unless ADDers get organized and lobby govt’s and do media ADHD awareness campaigns because there are other competing groups out there demanding their time too. No one will do this for us, we need to do it ourselves and that includes ADDers who claim they’re “too busy, too disorganized”.

By: Chrisitne

Chrisitne — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 04:20:34 +0000

I agree. I have it as well as my 14 year old son and I only recently came to this conclusion: how am I supposed to overcome his barriers if I myself have similar barriers? Having been recently diagnosed myself, many of the patterns that probably led to his current difficulties, were established long ago. While my similar barriers and behaviour patterns give me a unique perspective to simpythize, it does not help correct. There are vary few resources out there to teach a person, (especially an adult), how to change patterns of a lifetime. Furthermore, the expenses alone, I recently found, are much higher medically for AD/HD families than those who are not.. perhaps looking at it from a cost perspective would help prompt more professionals to take notice.