Comments on: Men with Adult ADHD. The Effect on Their Families. http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/ A Blog about Adults with Attention Surplus Condition (aka ADHD) by Adult ADHD Coach Pete Quily Mon, 21 May 2012 08:38:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: MM http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1508244 MM Fri, 11 May 2012 05:58:19 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1508244 Jenny, i'm sorry that youre in such a trying circumstance. my husband and I tried couples counselling a few months ago and it has helped somewhat. it was quite hard to arrange it though because every time I tried wed end up fighting and me feeling really hopeless. I've come to accept the fact that he has this thing and i've developed my own coping mechanisms. Like living my own life, having my own social circle, doing what needs to be done even if he won't and just not trying to do EVERYTHING. I don't want to leave him but I often ask myself why can't I just be in a normal relationship, whatever that is. but I remind myself all the time of his good qualities and it calms me a bit. I commend you on seeking therapy for yourself. I hope that helps you. For us what's helped the most is moving to a bigger place where we each have our private space. Jenny, i’m sorry that youre in such a trying circumstance. my husband and I tried couples counselling a few months ago and it has helped somewhat. it was quite hard to arrange it though because every time I tried wed end up fighting and me feeling really hopeless.
I’ve come to accept the fact that he has this thing and i’ve developed my own coping mechanisms. Like living my own life, having my own social circle, doing what needs to be done even if he won’t and just not trying to do EVERYTHING. I don’t want to leave him but I often ask myself why can’t I just be in a normal relationship, whatever that is. but I remind myself all the time of his good qualities and it calms me a bit.
I commend you on seeking therapy for yourself. I hope that helps you.
For us what’s helped the most is moving to a bigger place where we each have our private space.

]]> By: Pete Quily http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1508242 Pete Quily Fri, 11 May 2012 05:53:53 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1508242 It's not a bad thing Shannon, he's probably so frustrated seeing you having a state he probably wants to have but can't seem to develop and he's jealous of you. I'd suggest find a marriage therapist familiar with Adhd and focusing on what you need and want even if he won't go. + find an<a href="http://www.addcoach4u.com/support/addsupportgroupresources.html" rel="nofollow"> ADHD support group</a> again for you. For understanding denial see Gina Pera's book on adhd and relationships, I don't agree with all of it, but she's got 4 great chapters on denial she should sell as a stand alone ebook It’s not a bad thing Shannon, he’s probably so frustrated seeing you having a state he probably wants to have but can’t seem to develop and he’s jealous of you. I’d suggest find a marriage therapist familiar with Adhd and focusing on what you need and want even if he won’t go. + find an ADHD support group again for you.

For understanding denial see Gina Pera’s book on adhd and relationships, I don’t agree with all of it, but she’s got 4 great chapters on denial she should sell as a stand alone ebook

]]> By: Shannon http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1508160 Shannon Thu, 10 May 2012 13:26:06 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1508160 Reading these comments, and I feel like I am reading about my own life. My husband and I are on the verge of a divorce. We were supposed to start therapy together, but he keeps making excuses as to why he can't make an appt. So I finally just went by myself. The therapist thinks he may have ADD, and after reading this, I think so too. He has many anger issues, he can't pay attention to anything for very long. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6.5. He takes all his anger out on me and our 2 little girls. I am sick of it. If he has something that can be treated and he can learn to change his behaviours then we will have a better chance of working it out. What I am afraid of is his denial. I think he may take too long to make the effort to change, and by the time he does we will be long over. Our marriage is hanging on by a thread right now. I am a cancer survivor, I was expected to live maybe 4 years after my treatments. That was 10 years ago. I am healthy now and I don't like wasting my life in this miserable circle. I feel I was given a second chance and I should do something with it. He tries to push me down everytime. He says he is envious of my outgoing personality and how I am always positive. Why is that a bad thing? This article was an eye opener for me. Thank you. Reading these comments, and I feel like I am reading about my own life. My husband and I are on the verge of a divorce. We were supposed to start therapy together, but he keeps making excuses as to why he can’t make an appt. So I finally just went by myself. The therapist thinks he may have ADD, and after reading this, I think so too. He has many anger issues, he can’t pay attention to anything for very long. We have been together for 11 years, married for 6.5. He takes all his anger out on me and our 2 little girls. I am sick of it.

If he has something that can be treated and he can learn to change his behaviours then we will have a better chance of working it out. What I am afraid of is his denial. I think he may take too long to make the effort to change, and by the time he does we will be long over. Our marriage is hanging on by a thread right now.

I am a cancer survivor, I was expected to live maybe 4 years after my treatments. That was 10 years ago. I am healthy now and I don’t like wasting my life in this miserable circle. I feel I was given a second chance and I should do something with it. He tries to push me down everytime. He says he is envious of my outgoing personality and how I am always positive. Why is that a bad thing?

This article was an eye opener for me. Thank you.

]]> By: Pete Quily http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1472811 Pete Quily Mon, 07 Nov 2011 12:42:37 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1472811 Hi Joy, find someone to help him <a href="http://adultaddstrengths.com/2008/02/21/top-10-ways-to-manage-adult-adhd/" rel="nofollow">learn how to manage adhd</a>. the meds will help make it easier to learn those skills. See Top 10 Ways to Manage Adult ADHD Also make sure it's just adhd and not narcissitic personality disorder or adhd plus narcissism. And read http://www.adhdmarriage.com Hi Joy, find someone to help him learn how to manage adhd. the meds will help make it easier to learn those skills. See Top 10 Ways to Manage Adult ADHD

Also make sure it’s just adhd and not narcissitic personality disorder or adhd plus narcissism. And read http://www.adhdmarriage.com

]]> By: Joy http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1472725 Joy Mon, 07 Nov 2011 02:11:28 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1472725 My comment is similar to MM above but I do not see a response to her comments. My husband and I have been married just over 6 years and have one daughter who is 9 months old. I knew when we got married that he had ADD but really only thought it affected his work. We realized a few months ago JUST HOW MUCH his ADD affects our marriage. I am constantly feeling like he is selfish even though I know his heart is pure. He has an extremely difficult time thinking of others before himself and it is to the point of driving me crazy. I could go on and on but as MM asked, do you have any advice on the spouses of those with ADD and how we might stay sane while dealing with their disorder? thank you! My comment is similar to MM above but I do not see a response to her comments. My husband and I have been married just over 6 years and have one daughter who is 9 months old. I knew when we got married that he had ADD but really only thought it affected his work. We realized a few months ago JUST HOW MUCH his ADD affects our marriage. I am constantly feeling like he is selfish even though I know his heart is pure. He has an extremely difficult time thinking of others before himself and it is to the point of driving me crazy. I could go on and on but as MM asked, do you have any advice on the spouses of those with ADD and how we might stay sane while dealing with their disorder? thank you!

]]> By: Michele http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1470185 Michele Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:34:19 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1470185 Hi Adam Seek out a therapist, they will be able to help you and or determine if you need meds. Also find groups in your area that deal with Adult ADHD and go together to these meetings. Both of you need to meet folks that are dealing with the same situation. Hang in there, the light is at the end of the tunnel, my husband has anger issues as well so I totally understand where your girl friend is coming from. A good therapist will educate in how to deal with your anger that is what my husband therapist is doing for him and I already see the difference. Good Luck. Hi Adam
Seek out a therapist, they will be able to help you and or determine if you need meds. Also find groups in your area that deal with Adult ADHD and go together to these meetings. Both of you need to meet folks that are dealing with the same situation. Hang in there, the light is at the end of the tunnel, my husband has anger issues as well so I totally understand where your girl friend is coming from. A good therapist will educate in how to deal with your anger that is what my husband therapist is doing for him and I already see the difference.
Good Luck.

]]> By: Pete Quily http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1470181 Pete Quily Mon, 24 Oct 2011 14:19:40 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1470181 Hi Adam, If you believe you aree in the right why do you have to shout? Confidence is quiet, it's like you're trying to convince yourself you're in the right. The problem seems to be around lack of self awareness, self control and effective communications, basically a skills issue, that many adults with ADHD have problems with. So find ways to learn those skills. You might want to consider hiring an <a href="http://www.addcoach4u.com/adhd-coaching/adultaddcoaching.html" rel="nofollow">ADHD coach </a>or therapist that knows ADHD to help you to learn those skills. Hi Adam,

If you believe you aree in the right why do you have to shout? Confidence is quiet, it’s like you’re trying to convince yourself you’re in the right.

The problem seems to be around lack of self awareness, self control and effective communications, basically a skills issue, that many adults with ADHD have problems with. So find ways to learn those skills.

You might want to consider hiring an ADHD coach or therapist that knows ADHD to help you to learn those skills.

]]> By: Adam http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1470015 Adam Sun, 23 Oct 2011 19:11:23 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1470015 Hi , i am 26 year old male who has ADHD. i was treated up to the age of 14 then refused to take them anymore. My relationship is in Jep. i need some advice. My GF says that I dont treat her will, because when i get angry i take it out on her by name calling and , yelling, the fact of the matter is when i am doing that i believe im in the right. but hours after or even minutes i realize that. i was totally wrong. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for they way i have acted and treated her. today she says i have one LAST and FINAL Chance . any advice will help. just wanna know how to stop it. it occurs once a month usually. I Love her and want to show her the changes i am making to keep her Hi , i am 26 year old male who has ADHD. i was treated up to the age of 14 then refused to take them anymore. My relationship is in Jep. i need some advice. My GF says that I dont treat her will, because when i get angry i take it out on her by name calling and , yelling, the fact of the matter is when i am doing that i believe im in the right. but hours after or even minutes i realize that. i was totally wrong. I feel ashamed and embarrassed for they way i have acted and treated her. today she says i have one LAST and FINAL Chance . any advice will help. just wanna know how to stop it. it occurs once a month usually. I Love her and want to show her the changes i am making to keep her

]]> By: MM http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1469389 MM Thu, 20 Oct 2011 09:38:38 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1469389 My husband and I have been together for 6 years. He's 33 and a successful engineer. He was diagnosed with ADD 15 years ago. I'm finding it has really changed me as a person as everything I do I need to make him the centre of. I love him dearly and want to start a family with him because he is a beautiful person but I don't know what to do sometimes when he's just very angry at me if he's had accumulated stress. He's extremely negative and that becomes hard to tolerate after a while. Can you please explain some ways in which we -the partners of someone with ADD- can stay sane and maybe alleviate some of their angst? note: he is on dexamphetamines and has been since diagnosis. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. He’s 33 and a successful engineer. He was diagnosed with ADD 15 years ago. I’m finding it has really changed me as a person as everything I do I need to make him the centre of. I love him dearly and want to start a family with him because he is a beautiful person but I don’t know what to do sometimes when he’s just very angry at me if he’s had accumulated stress. He’s extremely negative and that becomes hard to tolerate after a while.
Can you please explain some ways in which we -the partners of someone with ADD- can stay sane and maybe alleviate some of their angst?
note: he is on dexamphetamines and has been since diagnosis.

]]> By: Pete Quily http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/comment-page-1/#comment-1462906 Pete Quily Fri, 16 Sep 2011 00:51:14 +0000 http://adultaddstrengths.com/2006/04/25/men-with-adult-add-the-effect-on-their-families/#comment-1462906 Thanks Michele, good advice Thanks Michele, good advice

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