Adult ADD Strengths

Melissa Orlov has a great post that’s a must read to help the ADD male understand what some non ADD wives want from them. Great title too, The Care and Feeding of a Non-ADD Spouse.

Unfortunately a lot of men who have Adult ADD are in denial about how their ADD related behaviors affects their wives. Or, they minimize the true impact untreated ADD has on their marriage. Some men need to be on their third wife before they begin to take their ADHD seriously, ie ADD medications are useful, but they won’t teach you self awareness and skills. Sometimes I coach men with adult ADD just around relationships, they have a high stimulation job and adequate support systems at work but are on the verge of divorce at home because they’re not managing their negative ADHD symptoms.

Perhaps you’ve seen the movie “What Women Want”? This is what I think you would hear if you were Mel Gibson and could hear your wife’s thoughts.

here’s a few ones:

Thoughts and actions are not equally satisfying: You may be thinking about me a lot, but when you are off in your own world, or distracted by something else, I have no way of knowing that. To me, it feels as if you almost never think of me. It makes me sad. In the future, can you take a few seconds and show me through actions, not thoughts, that you are thinking of me? A short kiss, an “I love you” or some other action will mean a lot to me.

I’m working really hard at this relationship, but sometimes despair because it doesn’t feel to me like you are, too: I’m not asking that we meet in the exact middle. But sometimes I despair that we’ll never meet at all! I need attention, and one form of attention is having you take my needs seriously enough to show an effort in my direction. This gets back to the “thoughts and actions” are not the same as ideas notion. I want to be happy around you (and you want me to be happy around you – it’s so much easier that way!) but it’s hard to keep always trying without seeing any reciprocal action

ADDer have a higher rate of divorce than non ADDers.

If you’re a woman married to (or were married to) an male with adult ADHD, what advice would you give men with Adult ADHD to help them have a better marriage/avoid divorce?

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