Top 10 Ways to Manage Adult ADHD

There are many ways how to manage or deal with Adult Attention Surplus Condition, aka Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Here are a few.

Top Ten Ways to Manage Adult ADHD

1. ADHD Coaching. More for adults than children. Pills can be useful but pills don’t teach skills, they’re not designed to. They can, however, put you in a better place to learn them through ADHD coaching or therapy.Once you stop using ADHD meds, their effectiveness is gone. Learned skills from ADHD coaching last longer.

Here are some of the ADHD related problems we ADHD coaches help you learn how to solve. Adult ADHD Coaching focuses on practical day-to-day ways to manage adult ADHD more effectively at work and at home.

Generally speaking, therapy is more focused on helping you understand and heal the past so you have a better present. ADHD coaching is more focused on taking practical action in the present and the future.

Adult ADHD Coaches work on helping you learn to more effectively manage the challenges of ADHD and identifying and developing the strengths of having ADHD. They work over the phone for 3-4 sessions per month. I offer a free 30-minute consultation and many other coaches do too.

2. ADHD Medication. Not the tool of the devil, not the magic cure-all. Just a useful tool that has been studied more than probably 98% of any medications that you’ve taken, and stimulants have been used for 70 years. Talk to people who’ve actually taken medications for ADHD and a doctor that’s experienced in dealing with adult with ADHD before you make up your mind. Here’s some articles on ADHD medications, lists of companies making ADD medications and detailed clinical PDF’s on ADHD meds go to then click on practice guidelines, (they always change thFe direct link) and ways to deal with side effects (scroll down to chp 10). If you do try ADD meds, at least give them an honest try, it takes a while to find the right med(s) and the right dose. Keep in mind meds are a partial solution, even ADHD drug companies don’t say they’re a complete solution

3. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by someone who knows about Adult ADD. The knowing ADD part is crucial whether it’s a therapist or coach.

Just like coaching it’s also crucial to have a good fit with the therapist. Therapy is useful in uncovering, understanding & dealing with things from your past that aren’t resolved and interfere with your present functioning. Some people, especially men, view going to a therapist as a sign of weakness. I view it as a sign of strength and courage. That you have the guts to look inside yourself instead being too weak and afraid to do so. So if you need to go to one, go, don’t be a wuss.

4. ADHD Support Groups. There’s a lot of info on the net about Adult Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have a 180+ page website on Adult ADHD and even more info on this blog, believe learning about Adult Attention Deficit Disorder is important, but it can be really useful to meet other ADDers in person.

They’ll all “get” Attention Deficit Disorder, you don’t have to explain what it is to them, it’s helpful to meet others with the same problems & gifts, plus we’re not boring people:)

I have a list of Canadian ADHD support groups by province and a list of US ADHD support groups and International ADHD support groups. If you’re in Vancouver come visit the group I lead, the Vancouver Adult ADD Support Group. If there’s no group in your area, create your own like I did, check out the section on how to start, run and promote a support group.

5. Adequate Diet. Keeping the race car brain running smoothly. Feeding your ADHD brain with a good diet, especially adequate dopamine building protein in the morning, and Essential Fatty Acids are important. Adders often forget meals and water. Starving your brain doesn’t make you smarter.

6. Exercise boosts the 3 main neurotransmitters associated with Adult ADHD. Dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine and the feel good beta-endorphins and relieves stress. Exercise is the number one non medical way to deal with ADHD, depression, anxiety and stress. Make sure you chose exercise that’s interesting to you vs. what you think you “should” do. Not everyone likes the gym.

7. Learning to Slow down and Stop. So you don’t crash. Take regular, short, non electronic breaks or your brain will slow down/shut down/or distract/procrastinate out, all very common problems with ADHD Adults. This is the #1 way to be more efficient at work. Especially when you’re “too busy” to take a break.

8. Meditation. Think deep mental refreshment. Why do those Buddhist monks always look so chilled out? Race car ADHD brains need pit stops and tune ups or they burn out.

I’ve done a variety of different types of meditations off and on for 20+ years.  If you’re a beginner, start with active forms of meditation first, NOT passive ones (i.e., don’t start staring at the wall and thinking of nothing).

Active forms of meditation involve your senses, i.e., body, breath, voice, ears, or fingers, so it’s easier for ADHD adults to focus and avoid getting distracted and helps to calm the monkey mind. Check out the book The Mindfulness Prescription for ADHD written by a psychiatrist.

  • Would you expect to go from not running to trying to run for 30 minutes the first time? Then don’t expect to meditate 15-20 minutes at the beginning. Try 2-3 minutes at first everyday and slowly work up.

9. Tutors or Educational Psychologists that know about ADHD. See my section on teaching students with ADHD.

10. Professional Business and Personal Help. Professional Organizers that know about ADHD, bookkeepers, virtual assistants, secretarial help, cleaning services etc.

Smart, successful people delegate what they don’t like, or aren’t good at. Especially if you have your own business, hiring someone to do the paperwork should be the first thing you pay for, it can make the difference between success and constant struggle and frustration. In Canada try Professional Organizers of Canada, and in the US try Napo.

What are some ways you manage your ADHD?

87 thoughts on “Top 10 Ways to Manage Adult ADHD”

  1. I always had trouble processing sales orders at work. My office always made a position for a sales assistant which cleaned up my mess. Drug use really peaked my career but I went sober with multi dui’s. My life was blah sober but after 6 months I had to restart and am now real comfortable.. Now I need to recover my spending and debt I created being add. Hope you can curb the danger and use the positive of this disability

  2. I work with someone who I suspect has ADD and I would LOVE some tips on how to work more effectively with someone who has ADD; something concrete so I don’t get caught up in the frustration and noise of their disorganization. Thanks.

  3. Hi Wendy,
    you might want to look at some of the ADD in the workplace articles i have on my website here for you and also for the suspected ADDer

    you also might suggest they look at the adult adhd screener test here.

    It’s important that you don’t stigmatize ADD or they might react negatively and avoid dealing with it, so maybe mention some of the positives or people do well with ADHD ie some posts here

    I’d also recommend the book add friendly ways to organize your life

  4. struggling w/ adhd. wife near end of patience. have to make moves on my own to deal.

    know any good resources / folks for adhd in jackson, wy?

    thank you.

  5. Steve K…I can totally relate! My brain is always ON and I can’t turn it off. I started using cocaine at 12 years old and believe it or not it SLOWED me down? WHAT? Most people get paranoid I get “level headed”. I have misdiagnosed for 30+ years as Bilpolar! yet I can’t sit still? After 22 months clean and sober I am finally realizing I am NOT Bipolar, but ADD! My Mom used to take me to shrinks in the early 70’s but they didn’t know much about ADD back then! Now I can’t seem to get organized, I talk too much and I get myself in trouble ALL the time with my “over reactions”! after a year on chemo and now 6 mos off ADD it REALLY showing! thank God I decided to get help and made an appointment with a Psych. unfortunatley it is not until Jan, I pray I canmake it until then!

  6. i love having adhd it is very fun when i was a child i hated it cause many kids called me crazzy but now i love it

  7. Lil, it’s complex, see

    BBlake sadly far to many people with ADHD self medicate with drugs and alcohol since they boost dopamine, the brain chemical ADDers are in short supply and the one that ADHD medications and other things like exercise, meditation etc increase.

    Maybe you can get the word out to other people about ADHD and addictions so they don’t go through what you went through.

    Barbar, once you learn to manage it more effectively and use it as an asset it totally changes your perspective on it

  8. Thank you for this site. It is nice to see a place where I can come and not be told that I do not have ADD, but a laziness problem, or a talking too much problem, or some other problem… I’m sure many who visit this site have heard similar things. Thanks again.

  9. you’re welcome Andre, yes unfortunately people with ADHD hear it all the time. Maybe when some of those people with ADHD stop taking it and start responding to that ignorance and stigma, and making it unacceptable to say such things, things will change.

  10. This has been amazing. I’m so glad I found this site because I’ve been so appologetic and confused to friends & loved ones for years over why I have certain behaviour. My mom first brought up the ADHD factor which I didn’t dismiss, but rather, told her I would look into. Not surprisingly, when I read much of the info and statements on this site, I found I should follow up with my research on this and actively seek a professional diagnosis. I was wondering if there were any reccomended groups or Dr.s you might have for me, in the North East NJ area. Thank you for your time 🙂

  11. I tried to buy the DVD but the page went to an error message, please email me with the information to purchace the DVD “ADD and loving it” I think it can really help me from the bit I caught on television


  12. Some of the people on this blog are very interesting. I always thought I had ADHD or something was different about me, just I have never went to the doctor about it, must have been procrastinating because the ADHD lol. I think I will try meditation maybe.

  13. Growing up diagnosed with ADD was very difficult. It can feel like society and schools slap a label on you and throw you in a box for their own convenience, because they don’t have the mental capacity to keep up with you. But as I sought therapy, medication, and guidance my life changed in to something beautiful. I served in the Peace Corps and started a successful small business. As I became an adult, I realized that we with ADD/ADHD are blessed with imaginations beyond the reach of most. We are the movers and the shakers of this world, and we always have been. So to all of you who currently suffer, seek help, harness your disability and turn it in to a gift. And don’t let anyone’s labels stop you from realizing exactly what you are…. a genious.

  14. Hey Dustin B.,

    thanks for your post! It was just what I needed today and it really made me feel great! I’ve been recently diagnozed with ADHD, and it’s hard, but you are right – “once we get our groove on”, we are just uniquely genious!

    Thanks to you and Pete Quily for the great articles!

  15. Hi Dustin, labels like ADHD are neutral. They can be used to identify, and target treatment and help or to criticize, condemn and stigmatize. It depends on how they’re used.

    Sadly too many ignorant of ADHD use the label as a weapon against us and most people with ADHD and their families rarely speak out in public against that and make it socially unacceptable to do so.

    agree with you on the gifts.

  16. You’re absolutely right Pete. The labels can be used for better or for worse. I really do appreciate your articles. It’s those like you who are leading the fight to help people who suffer through the inability to grasp or harness their ADHD. The more we learn about ourselves, the more we can become the diciplined creative thinkers that these troubling times need us to be. Keep up the good work Pete.

  17. In 2006 I began my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I felt that I was struggling to retain information and study and still only getting average marks. I went to the University’s Learning Centre because my daughter had recently been diagnosed with a learning disability and knowing they can be hereditary, I thought maybe I might have the same disability. After being tested the psychologist said that I probably do have a learning disability but due to my age (48 at the time) I had probably learned to compensate. However, after going further into the interview, she tested me for ADHD and did a positive diagnosis for this. The diagnosis was helpful in that it allowed me to have certain allowances regarding exam writing. I was allowed to write in a quiet room alone and was given more time. After the diagnosis I was never given any advice on how to cope with this condition. I did graduate and recieved my BScN and am working, but I am no further ahead in coping with this condition. I have huge problems organizing myself and am a chronic procrastinator. This frustrates me and makes me feel helpless. Having said all this, I really do not want to resort to medications. I would love any advice on strageties that might help me. I don’t even know if there is a Dr in my province who could help me even if I chose to go to one.

  18. Hi BM,

    Look for an adhd support group in your province here

    more info on adhd on my website here

    for some strategies see the free resources under these categories on my blog

    ADD / ADHD Treatment

    ADD / ADHD and Technology

    ADD / ADHD Organization

    and if you want strategies customized to how you think and work you could also try one on one adult ADHD coaching, I offer a free 30 minute sample session so you can see if we’re a good fit and if you think I’d be useful to what you’re going through.

  19. I’m 52 years old…and have just now realized what my problem is. After 52 years of thinking I was crazy, I’m now hoping to be treated for this condition that periodically turns my world up side down. All of the life long behaviors that I thought were my personality turns out to be an un diagnosed condition. The lack of concentration, the inability to deal with stress, short fuse, and foggy thinking, my mind racing and the world not moving fast enough to accomplish my goals, sleepless night, crashing for days at a time. Now I’m concerned about who I am underneath all the confusion. Please keep me in your prayers.

  20. This is very helpfull i have been struggling for years and decades but now i understand and its good to know that you are not alone in this…I like the comment from Dustin and i would like to here more from him how one can tune on this special gift…I believe ADHD people are highly gifted people.

    Thanx Alot

  21. Hi, I happen to be up (go figure) surfing the web for sites pertaining to studying/learning with adult ADHD. I am currently in a fast track learning college taking Community Service Worker, I LOVE this program and am realizing that I know this stuff naturally…I am actually maintaing a 96% average for the first time in my life I am an honour student. My grades have always been 60 ish% or lower, just enough to pass. I actually feel like a smart person. But I am struggling with the over whelming course load. I have only read 2 chapters out of 19 and am scared that it will bite my in the …….. I really would love to find a site that offers free advice for struggling adult students with ADHD. I use to love having ADHD, but now am finding it hard to deal with things as I age. I’ve had a major flood, horrible nieghbours that constantly harrass me, sleeping on the living room floor on a mattress with my hub, NO PRIVACY (4 kids n mom in law), just started a major heavy workload course (which has all transpired since May of 2011 and this is just half of what has happened withing the last 12 months) and hub working p/t on just over min wage. My coping skills are nill at this point as my life is in caios. I am not looking for sympathy just a way to get some help. I’m frustrated, we just finish a chapter on ADD/ADHD and was amazed at what I didn’t know. Do you or anyone here think that a person with this disorder can work in the mental health field maybe even in this field. Well I’m off as my mind is wandering onto many other things. Look forward to hearing from someone. THanks for taking the time to read this ramble. Have a good one..Cheers! Lee.

  22. DMW-
    Alot of what you read in the steps and advice that Pete mentions are ways that you can harness your fast working mind. You can use it as an ability to introduce creativity in to what ever field you fall in to or are already in. Also, I’ve noticed that the more I am actively engaged in activities the more I stand out from the crowd. Active learning and active participation has always kept me from wandering too far off course. But make no mistake, your curse is also a blessing and you are wired this way for a reason. It’s times like these where us “movers and shakers” are needed, and your wandering mind has the ability to find answers where others have been stumped. Dig deep, harness yourself, and stay focused. You will amaze yourself at what you can think of and accomplish.


  24. Hi all,

    Appreciate the website, some useful comments and articles here.

    Suspect I might be ADHD, have begun process of booking a session with a psych therapist – any advice on how to conduct the session? I don’t want to “internet diagnose” as I know that annoys doctors in general. Nor do I want to lead my therapist down a particular path. I was thinking of just going in and saying “This is what I am experiencing, now you tell me what’s wrong”.

    Would that be an appropriate approach? Or should I mention my suspicions at the outset?

    Appreciate your input and assistance. Again, thanks to the website maker, and all for comments etc.

  25. Thanks Ed,

    you don’t have to conduct the session they do, main thing is to make sure they actually are trained enough in adhd to do a proper diagnosis, you have to assume they’re not. So ask your closest adhd support group for some names of people who can diagnose adhd, go in a list of what you think are symptoms and they should do the rest

  26. I’m 24 and I found out I have ADD only recently. I cried because it has been obstructing my studies and work for the majority of my life and I felt hopeless, but I want to try out these tips you’ve given here. Hopefully they’ll change my life. Thank you 🙂

  27. welcome to the club Alan. Keep in mind it can take some time to find the right med(s) and the right dose. They’re called med trials not med psychics:)

  28. Reading some of these comments wow! I have been clean for 3.5yrs now and I am loving life. I had a major addiction to coke, crack and opiates-I also was a needle user. But I am having trouble moving on in life. Not with drugs but other things. Someone mentioned racing thoughts, my head never stops and I am always thinking the negative. I can’t get anything organized in my home, I will start a project and get side tracked very easily. I also go through these crying fits(I think it is frustration)and anger I have trouble dealing with. I have only been diagnosed about 1 year and I haven’t really done any research until lately because of problems I am having getting a job that I just paid $10,000 to help upgrade my education. I am worried that maybe I made a wrong career choice and I want to learn how to make the best of my ADHD. I want to get a job where my energy and positive attitude can help me succeed instead of people looking at me like I need to take another pill? I am on concerta and it helps me I guess but I don’t want to just take the medicine I need help on where I can get the most help with this. Also my hubby and my 10yr old son are diagnosed with ADHD as well and take the concerta too. I don’t want my son having to take pills and I am worried for him future as well because of my drug days, is he going to do it to?, how can I help him stop this? I just thought I would write a few things but I am wondering what kinds of jobs would be happy to have someone with energy like me? I am also going to try the meditation, hoping that it will help with my memory loss, and help me slow down before I get to the crash point. Thanks for you time
    Crazy Crystal

  29. Im 25 years old and having trouble staying foccusd at work. I was on meds when I was in school and have been off for many years. I was wondering if there was a vitamin that I can buy to help me out. Any help will be greatly appriciated thank you.

  30. not really David,but lots of snake oil salesman that will try and sell you them. adhd meds, exercise, music, being kind to others all boost dopamine which helps you focus. plus taking breaks to refresh your brain

  31. Hi Pete,

    Great site and many useful tips and insightful information on others experience of ADD!

    I am 41 and i’m certain i have ADD through self-discovery and prognosis! In the UK the medical profession is reluctant to acknowledge ADD amongst adults at all !!

    I am a natural / alt therapy kinda guy and tabs really do scare me!!

    I’m not sure what you think of binaural beats (particularly alpha frequency) but i am finding they help a lot !!

    Also my meditation is focused around Yoga – Kundalini in particular !! This has helped and these are new strategies so only time will tell but I hope this will turn out to be a gift for us all 🙂 Peace !

  32. Thanks Binda,

    well adhd stimulant meds have been used for 70 years, hundreds if not thousands of studies on them, more than probably any medication you’ve ever taken. They generally know the good the bad the ugly of them. But a lot of people believe the stigma against meds because some people have a vested financial interest in stigmatizing them to sell their adhd”cures”.

    But even if you take adhd meds, they’re just part of the solution, not a complete one. Meditation is great for adhd been doing it off and on for 20+ years. Don’t know much about binaural, somethings work for some people not others. just watch out with kundalini yoga you know when to avoid over stimulating yourself ie breath of fire, esp if in an anxious state, could increase anxiety

  33. I suspect my husband has ADD/ADHD and it’s been driving me up the wall. I really need to know if there is something I can do to help him deal with it. Please help…

  34. I stumbled across this site when I was revisiting ADD/ADHD information on the web to share with my new girlfriend and wanted to sound off with some advise for what it is worth. I say revisit because I was diagnosed over 5 years ago with ADD and read everything I could find about it when I first found out. I’ve been taking Adderall ever since and for me it is a blessing. I wouldn’t begin to preach it’s value to anyone else because I know that the drug is only part of the equation. I struggle with being verbose which is part of my ADD but to keep this simple and linear (again not my strength) I want to give my 2 cents worth for anyone looking for help.

    If you are looking for a pill that will solve all your ADD issues…it doesn’t exist. Read, learn and educate yourself and use meds to give you an extra leg up….they will make some things easier but you still need to put forth the effort and work to make any significant changes.

    Unless you are a teenager of younger…you already have developed ways of managing your ADD/ADHD from a lifetime of experience and may not even have considered what you already know about yourself. The strengths and talents that come from having ADD should be apparent to you…use them. Eliminate those that are not effective or even detrimental and focus on the ones that work and develop new one around the ones you already know. You might be pleasantly surprised.

    Accept yourself for who you are and that you are different. Don’t be a victim to your ADD, yourself or anyone else’s opinions of you. It can be a fine line between knowing that you may appear different…do things differently….or even becoming annoying or a nuisance to others without falling prey to what other people think about you or becoming self righteous and indignant yourself.

    Simply put…you can be assertive and self confident without being a total ass hole about it but you don’t have to beat yourself up every time you meet someone who doesn’t like you because of your ADD/ADHD behaviors and tenancies.

    Bottom line for me: When I stopped taking things personally and used my focusing abilities on staying positive and not being a victim to it, I was then able to take ownership of having ADD and was able to tell people and talk to them about it (as with my new girlfriend) which has stopped the insecurities about having it which were a huge obstacle in moving forward for me. The Adderall is a huge help with the symptoms but the major change came in understanding it and accepting that it is a part of who I am and don’t feel the need to apologize to others as long as I am not using it as an excuse for bad behavior or using it to be a victim or having victim mentality. This I have come to understand is one of the biggest pitfalls to having ADD and in my humble opinion, needs to be addressed first before all other things.

    Thanks Pete for the site and the information in it. I’ve learned some view new things here that I’m sure I will make good use of.

  35. Thanks Kelly, great comment. meds just part of the equation not full answer, but no one claims they are, not even pharm reps.
    Yes important to move beyond the victimization many adders find themselves in, not an easy thing, but well worth the effort.

    Glad you like my blog have a look at my website for more great ideas you’ve mentioned

  36. abhinav batra

    In my opinion the best doctor of ADHD is you.your positive attitude and change in lifestyle may help you a lot.i feel a victim of ADHD is blessed one.

  37. Roger Marshall

    Hi just gonna throw this down as i will never finish it otherwise. I am 47 from england and have suffered with possible adhd all my life. Noticbly first when going from primary school where i excelled in arithmatic and english. On attending a grammar school for next five years with a 10 or so differnt subjects, i soon found i could not keep track of lessons, homework, timetables, pens, pencils etc etc..i always sat listening but not taking things in, because my mind was on next lesson or previous one or 100s of other things. This led to leaving school with nothing and 30 years of mundane jobs which allowed me by routine and ‘autopiloting’, to Ferrari my thoughts while working.
    I am now looking for answers..i have struggled recently with alcohol and my girlfrind of five years has left me. I was tea total for the first four years of that for the first time ever. Those four years i noticed my struggle with manic thought processes..which had me forgetting things, losing things, in fact without any routine i was lost. My genorosity is not controlled either..i fear selling any thing i would prefer to give it away and make eveyone happy..this has caused problems. I have read your advice and not sure which way to go as there are so many ways to try. I fear i will have to try them all and get no where as usual.
    Thanks if you seem to have given me an outlook to something i have struggled with all my life.
    Roger UK

  38. Hi Roger, try one of those ten things first. Not several, not all at once, it’ll be too much. Just one.

    Pick one that resonates with you or that seems less overwhelming. Then later try a second one. Also google people pleasing, that can be very costly way to view the world. Here’s a list of adhd support groups in England if like to try that out. If you’d like to try out ADHD coaching I offer a free sample session. Here are some of the problems I help ADHD adults with.

  39. I really found this article to be very informative. I never knew there was a coach or therapy. I wish there were avenues like this where I’m from. I am an adult that grew up with ADD before they diagnosed it other than needing a good “whipping”. I am now raising very bright children with the same issues. It can be very challenging but this has pointed me in a new direction on getting better so that I might help them. I’d love more information! ! Thank you

  40. Glad you liked it Deshepherd, hundreds of other posts on this blog, see the categories in the sidebar and 180 pages of info on my Adult ADHD website ADDCoach4u and more on my second blog We coaches work over the phone, I coach people on 4 continents and if you’re interested here are some of the ADHD problems I help my clients with and I also offer a free 30 minute sample session of ADHD coaching if you’d like go beyond free information and get paid customized help to learn to manage ADHD more effectively.

  41. Deanna Cole

    I am 53 years old and at the end of my top living with Adhd. I feel I am the most living person I know, kind and giving. But people dont understand me, and therefore I am in the last couple years fading away alone. Suicide not a option my sin and brother with Adhd already did that. I am very lonely and don’t want to live lil this much longer. Just thought I’d. Let ya all know its a lonely, lonely place living with Adhd.

  42. That’s too bad Deanna, but there are ways to manage adhd, try some of the above one, especially ADHD support groups see my list here

    ask them for a list of therapists near you to help you with adhd.

    there are also some facebook groups and some yahoo groups for people with adhd where you can connect too

    good luck

  43. At 45 years old we have recently realized my husband has ADD. We have been together 23 years & it has become progressively worse the last 10, especially with the advent of smart phones – distraction & instant gratification 24/7 everywhere you go. We have created the parent-child dynamic described by Melissa Orlov to a T & I am exhausted. My husband can’t keep a job, manage finances & has torn our house apart with his projects. Dead refrigerators, torn up floors, no plumbing, etc. for about 8 years. Our 13 year old son is becoming very angry with him. And there is a deep loneliness I experience when he is so both hyper-focused & at the same time scattered everywhere but his family – FB, IG, Reddit, Crossfit & Surfer Mag posting boards, Snapchat, texting, etc.

    He is a very resourceful & intelligent guy. Very friendly, personable & fun-loving. I want to stay married but I’m feeling it is becoming futile. I’ve likened it to being married to a drug addict & we need an intervention…..”Your actions affect me in the following ways….” 🙂 I understand there are aspects of ADD which will always remain & I am willing to live with those. I laugh when I find eggs in the bed & butter melted in the middle console of my car. But I can’t continue to live without the support of an “adult” partner (I say “adult” because in many ways he’s like a child having the time of his life with very little responsibility). I have started therapy & am seeing the ways I enable him & how to establish boundaries & keep them (oh, that is hard!). But we are going to hit a wall soon because I am becoming angry & bitter. He is alternately open to admitting he has ADD & then questioning it. We have some good conversations about it & then later I think he really just forgets we had them. “Look! Squirrel!” My therapist says he can’t do this on his own & he has to quit his coffee habit. He drinks all the time but doesn’t think it’s an issue because he can fall asleep right after. But he never sleeps through the night & naps randomly throughout the day.

    So what do I do? Again I don’t want to divorce but as it is for me our life is unsustainable. How do I get him to get help when one moment he’s open, the next he’s closed, another moment he’s forgotten we’ve ever talked about it. I’ve done it all – wrote him letters, nagged (I know it’s a no-no but when you’re so frustrated it is hard!), spoken open & honestly & vulnerably. We’ve had some great conversations & at times he has seen what is happening. But it never goes anywhere & I’m on the edge of done. 🙁 And it’s deeply painful & sorrowful & I’m heart broken.

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