As an information junkie, I get a lot of email, probably too much. I have cut back on some of the ezines and ADD and coaching egroups I get and I sometimes do no more than scan the subject headers.
This one caught my attention. It’s from Raphael Cushnir, who I took a workshop from a while back called living the questions based on his book of the same name. I found it very useful. So I signed up for this ezine and this particular one from his book.
How Now: 100 Ways to Celebrate the Present Moment. It really landed for me.
#61 Respect Your Wiring (site deleted)
Some people are excitable, while others are placid. Some people excel at following directions, while others are best at improvising.
Most of us spend a tremendous amount of our lives wishing that we were wired differently, that we could magically shift the basic aspects of our personalities at will.
This creates self-opposition, which keeps us from being present to what is. Accepting something about ourselves that we’ve long resisted, by contrast, is a wonderful way to relax into the Now.
The Practice: Select one aspect of your wiring that you consistently disdain.
Perhaps you’re shy or talk too much. Perhaps you tend to isolate yourself or to socialize compulsively.
Whatever it is, give yourself a moment to stop fighting. Just let it be. You don’t have to like it–just accept it.
See how it feels to live without any opposition toward this trait. Keep going until you’re loose, expanded, and flowing with energy.
Ironically, to whatever degree change is possible, this type of energy is exactly what will bring it about.
I often hear my Adult ADHD coaching clients say that they “wish they could just do ____ easier/faster/more efficiently or be more or less in one way or another.
While it is definitely possible to improve on certain areas of our lives to some degree, (after all ADHD adults pay me money to coach them to do so) there are certain areas where resistance just brings more trouble and less efficiency and ease.
Without acceptance of where you actually are (as opposed to where you wish or think you’re supposed to be), you can’t really make much progress.
Without acceptance of where you actually are (as opposed to where you wish or think you’re supposed to be), you can’t really make much progress.
That is why it is crucial for us ADHD adults to respect our wiring.
In some areas of our lives, even with acceptance we may only be able to make limited progress. We all are wired differently, and though most of us would admit that, it seems that many of us have
We all are wired differently, and though most of us would admit that, it seems that many of us have inner rebellion that parts of us are different than what we perceive is “normal”, though if asked about it rationally we know that different people have different strengths and challenges in different areas.
Why not accept that you (like the rest of humanity) have great talents in some areas, moderate talents in others that can be improved upon, challenges in other areas you can get better at and even turn into a talent, but there are some areas that will always be challenging to a certain extent?
These latter areas may never come easily, since you’re not naturally wired that way, it’s not a natural talent or strength, you don’t enjoy doing them, and it’s best to design your life so that as much as possible you can:
A) Delegate or pay for someone to do them, regardless of the opinions and judgment of others. I.e.,”It’s easy for me to do, so it should be easy for you to do, after all you’re just a genetic carbon copy of me with the exact same life experience, personality, and preferences.”
B) Minimize how often or how in-depth you need to do them.
or
C) Learn enough to do them “well enough” to be tolerable. ADHD coaches can help you do that with less stress and struggle.
What parts of your life could you use a bit more acceptance of?